I am a seasoned pro when it comes to moving a family. I've done it 7 times...to 7 states! I've learned how to say goodbye to old friends, plug-in to a new community, and maintain a network of friends from coast-to-coast. I'm known among my friends as "the moving expert." Perhaps I am? In any case, whenever someone is planning to move, they come to me with questions. Here's what I've learned:
1. When should we tell the kids? I've moved my 3 kids in grades preschool, pre-K, 2nd, 4th, 6th, 7th, 11th, and college. To be frank, change is tough no matter the age. So, we tell the kids our plans as soon as an employment contract/transfer papers are signed. This gives them the chance to come to terms with the coming change. Are there tears? Yes. Is it totally awesome to tell your kids that they have to leave their friends and their home? No, but it's even more difficult being separated as a family (with Dad working in one state and the family living in another).
2. Should we wait until a school break to move? We have done both and to be honest, one wasn't better than the other. Our last move took place in October. We had one in 11th grade and one in 6th grade. With kids in these grades, we knew that no time would be a good time to move. So, we allowed them to begin the school year with the kids and schools that they knew. They went to school until the day we moved out. Since they were at school while the movers were at the house, they were spared the pain of seeing their rooms emptied. Next, instead of jumping right in to school in the new city, we took a vacation. For one, it would take a little while for all of our stuff to arrive. Also, it was a great way to process the grief of leaving loved ones behind.
3. How to Say Goodbye? I let my kids take the lead on their goodbyes. My youngest wanted a big sleepover party with his best buds. He also went around to all his friends and took photos and videos of each of them. My middle child preferred to simply hang out individually with friends. As a whole, we threw a "See You Soon" party for all of our friends and neighbors. It was a great way to make sure we had the chance to say goodbye, and please, please visit to those whom we cared about most.
4. House Hunting. We let our kids be involved in our house hunt after they turned 10. Younger than that and it takes away from the search because all your energy is spent making sure the kids don't wreck the house you're looking at. We asked our kids what their priorities were for a new house and really tried to stay pretty close to them. It's not perfect, because to them the perfect house is the one you're leaving behind. But finding a "cool" house with a pool or rec room or acreage or whatever they requested helps.
5. New School Registration. Before you leave your old school, make sure you have all your paperwork in order, including transcripts, 504s/IEPs, closing documents, and immunization records. What I learned on our last move was that immunization schedules vary from state to state (who knew?!). So my 17 year old had to go to the doctor for 2 infant immunizations that were given at the wrong time (too early for here, OK for old state) for our new state's standards. We toured the schools with the kids while the movers were unpacking at the house, but chose to start school a week later. In our opinion, they had been through so much already, let them have a few extra days off. Oh yeah, one more thing, depending on where you are moving to and from, your kids may have a ton of time off or gain an extra few weeks of school. My poor kids gained a lot of school: they began school with their friends in Tennessee on August 9, but while those Tennessee kids are getting out of school in late May, my kids will be in school until mid-June. Eek!
6. Plug them in immediately. My theory is that kids will feel more connected to the community if they are active in the community. So, as soon as we arrive (and usually prior to the move) I have scoped out Scout troops, sports teams, church groups, clubs, etc. that they can join. This way they aren't sitting at home on their phones/computer or watching TV and feeling sorry for themselves. Instead, they are with peers who have common interests that they might see at their new school. Within the first 2 weeks of being in our new house my boys had attended a Boy Scout meeting and youth group at church. They're still active in both.
7. Keep in Touch. We allowed our kids to call, text, or Facetime friends from "home" whenever they needed to. The first few weeks they did it all the time. But as they became more comfortable in their new environment, they did so less and less. We also had the unique opportunity to visit our old town about 3 months after we moved. We used this opportunity to again connect with old friends. Saying goodbye again wasn't as bad the second time around.
8. Drs and specialists. When you move you need to find new doctors, dentists, orthodontists, vets, music teachers, etc. Start researching these specialists as soon as you find out you're leaving. Many have lentghy waiting lists. This can be a real issue, especially if specific medications are involved. Again, let me repeat, research doctors and specialists immediately.
9. Pets. Our pets are part of the family. We have moved with dogs, lizards, and turtles. When we went on a vacation between leaving our last house and moving to our new house, two dogs and two aquatic turtles went on vacation, too. Were they super stressed out? Yes, one of the turtles even layed an egg. But, they were happy to be with their people (well, the dogs were....not so sure about the turtles). When we were moving in we kept the dogs in the fenced in backyard of teh new house. They hated it (stranger danger!), but came out no worse for the wear.
10. You. When moving someplace new, as a parent you put all of your energy into making sure your kids are OK. Don't forget about you! Get out an explore your new community. Get a job if you want to. Join a club or team. Host an open house. Do something! The only way to meet "your" people is by being with people.
There will be tears. There will be doubt. There will be curse words. There will be arguments. But, it's going to be OK. Kids are resilient. People are resilient. And, thanks to social media you can always stay in touch.
When I get down about having to make new friends, AGAIN, I remind myself that God put me in (name of city or state) for a purpose. It's my job to discover what exactly that purpose is.
Bloom where you're planted, folks.
Note: This was originally posted on my real estate blog "Sarah Sell My House."
1. When should we tell the kids? I've moved my 3 kids in grades preschool, pre-K, 2nd, 4th, 6th, 7th, 11th, and college. To be frank, change is tough no matter the age. So, we tell the kids our plans as soon as an employment contract/transfer papers are signed. This gives them the chance to come to terms with the coming change. Are there tears? Yes. Is it totally awesome to tell your kids that they have to leave their friends and their home? No, but it's even more difficult being separated as a family (with Dad working in one state and the family living in another).
2. Should we wait until a school break to move? We have done both and to be honest, one wasn't better than the other. Our last move took place in October. We had one in 11th grade and one in 6th grade. With kids in these grades, we knew that no time would be a good time to move. So, we allowed them to begin the school year with the kids and schools that they knew. They went to school until the day we moved out. Since they were at school while the movers were at the house, they were spared the pain of seeing their rooms emptied. Next, instead of jumping right in to school in the new city, we took a vacation. For one, it would take a little while for all of our stuff to arrive. Also, it was a great way to process the grief of leaving loved ones behind.
3. How to Say Goodbye? I let my kids take the lead on their goodbyes. My youngest wanted a big sleepover party with his best buds. He also went around to all his friends and took photos and videos of each of them. My middle child preferred to simply hang out individually with friends. As a whole, we threw a "See You Soon" party for all of our friends and neighbors. It was a great way to make sure we had the chance to say goodbye, and please, please visit to those whom we cared about most.
4. House Hunting. We let our kids be involved in our house hunt after they turned 10. Younger than that and it takes away from the search because all your energy is spent making sure the kids don't wreck the house you're looking at. We asked our kids what their priorities were for a new house and really tried to stay pretty close to them. It's not perfect, because to them the perfect house is the one you're leaving behind. But finding a "cool" house with a pool or rec room or acreage or whatever they requested helps.
5. New School Registration. Before you leave your old school, make sure you have all your paperwork in order, including transcripts, 504s/IEPs, closing documents, and immunization records. What I learned on our last move was that immunization schedules vary from state to state (who knew?!). So my 17 year old had to go to the doctor for 2 infant immunizations that were given at the wrong time (too early for here, OK for old state) for our new state's standards. We toured the schools with the kids while the movers were unpacking at the house, but chose to start school a week later. In our opinion, they had been through so much already, let them have a few extra days off. Oh yeah, one more thing, depending on where you are moving to and from, your kids may have a ton of time off or gain an extra few weeks of school. My poor kids gained a lot of school: they began school with their friends in Tennessee on August 9, but while those Tennessee kids are getting out of school in late May, my kids will be in school until mid-June. Eek!
6. Plug them in immediately. My theory is that kids will feel more connected to the community if they are active in the community. So, as soon as we arrive (and usually prior to the move) I have scoped out Scout troops, sports teams, church groups, clubs, etc. that they can join. This way they aren't sitting at home on their phones/computer or watching TV and feeling sorry for themselves. Instead, they are with peers who have common interests that they might see at their new school. Within the first 2 weeks of being in our new house my boys had attended a Boy Scout meeting and youth group at church. They're still active in both.
7. Keep in Touch. We allowed our kids to call, text, or Facetime friends from "home" whenever they needed to. The first few weeks they did it all the time. But as they became more comfortable in their new environment, they did so less and less. We also had the unique opportunity to visit our old town about 3 months after we moved. We used this opportunity to again connect with old friends. Saying goodbye again wasn't as bad the second time around.
8. Drs and specialists. When you move you need to find new doctors, dentists, orthodontists, vets, music teachers, etc. Start researching these specialists as soon as you find out you're leaving. Many have lentghy waiting lists. This can be a real issue, especially if specific medications are involved. Again, let me repeat, research doctors and specialists immediately.
9. Pets. Our pets are part of the family. We have moved with dogs, lizards, and turtles. When we went on a vacation between leaving our last house and moving to our new house, two dogs and two aquatic turtles went on vacation, too. Were they super stressed out? Yes, one of the turtles even layed an egg. But, they were happy to be with their people (well, the dogs were....not so sure about the turtles). When we were moving in we kept the dogs in the fenced in backyard of teh new house. They hated it (stranger danger!), but came out no worse for the wear.
10. You. When moving someplace new, as a parent you put all of your energy into making sure your kids are OK. Don't forget about you! Get out an explore your new community. Get a job if you want to. Join a club or team. Host an open house. Do something! The only way to meet "your" people is by being with people.
There will be tears. There will be doubt. There will be curse words. There will be arguments. But, it's going to be OK. Kids are resilient. People are resilient. And, thanks to social media you can always stay in touch.
When I get down about having to make new friends, AGAIN, I remind myself that God put me in (name of city or state) for a purpose. It's my job to discover what exactly that purpose is.
Bloom where you're planted, folks.
Note: This was originally posted on my real estate blog "Sarah Sell My House."
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